Just a couple..

Just a few drugs and fluids… Crazy what it takes to kill some cancer cells! #melanoma #stage3c #melafuckinoma #cancersucks #fcancer (at Huntsman Cancer Institute)

On the eve of round two

It is only fitting that on the eve of round two my hair has begun to thin. It technically started yesterday when I pulled a strand and it came out with minimal effort. I then ran my hands through it and about 30 strands came out. Now I know, hair falls out normally (and mine does a lot regularly in the shower/brushing etc) but this was on top of that. I showered and about the same came out but brushing a good amount came out as well. Throughout the day I just kept finding rogue strands. It’s a sad day. I am still holding out hope it will just thin and not fully fall out so I am not cutting it just yet. If it continues to be compounding then I will be looking for a new short do. 

It’s crazy to think I will be in the hospital this time tomorrow, where has the time gone. I guess I’m as ready as I’ll ever be. I’m making some hospital shirts today so that I don’t have to wear the hospital gown. They will have cut sleeves so I can put them on even though I have to be connected to the IV pole 24/7. I think it will be more comfortable and cute. Wish me luck! 

On to the next day, one day at a time.

Finally a little bit of normal

I have finally started to feel a bit better and have some energy! Right in time to go back in. 

I had my doctors appointments yesterday to make sure my body is ready to start again and they had a couple concerns about my liver function. I guess it isn’t liking the insane amount of poison - ie medicine - we are putting into my body which isn’t surprising.  He said that we will just adjust one of the medicines, Interferon Alpha, so that it will be ok to continue. He said adjusting this med doesn’t reduce the effectiveness of treatment much so he is comfortable lowering it. I am ok with that as well since that was the med that caused me the most issues in the hospital. We also talked about how we can make coming home from the hospital easier as well as the PICC line (the IV line they give me in the hospital that I have a complete panic attack while they were doing it like a baby) They said that the fatigue is compounding so I should expect even more this round. Nothing like a forced break from life. At least my bed, room and house are comfy for me to relax in and I have all sorts of new things from people to keep me busy.  I feel good about the adjustments and we will just be ready to go on Monday. 

I have been able to get out of the house a couple times this week and have had visitors. It’s been nice to get out, even if it some of it was to go to the doctors. 

My first outing was to visit with a great friend who was in town and I haven’t seen her for 4+ years. Erin is like a sister to me as I used to date her brother and I truly feel like we are sisters-in-law. It was so great to catch up with her and see how great she is doing. I can’t believe it had been so long, but time flies when you get busy and such!

My dad is coming up today to bring lunch too. I haven’t seen him since before treatment since he got a nasty cold that lasted two weeks so he didn’t want to come around me, which is understandable. It will be good to see him.

I am still getting spoiled like crazy with gifts and cards. It’s unreal. I am beyond thankful, speechless even, for the amazing team of support I have around me. It makes this journey doable. 

I am so close to being over half way done with chemo - my two paper chains are getting shorter and shorter. It’s a great feeling to think of being so much closer to being done. 1/3 done with chemo. ¼ done with treatment. I can do it. 

One day at a time. 

Random things

I’ve gotten some questions that I figure I should answer for people.. 

One question I have received is asking how we will know if biochemo and treatment in general is working for me. This is a good question as there isn’t any way to know. My tumor has been removed so there isn’t an active tumor or mass to watch. We are watching a small growth around one of my kidneys but we (the doctors and I) don’t feel it is melanoma but more a lymph node over reacting. But what we are hoping for treatment is that the numerous floating cells they found around 7+ lymph nodes from the dissection will be killed off before they group into a tumor. This is basically the most aggressive treatment we could do for my stage and symptoms. It is really a blind leap of faith hoping it is working as I go through such a harsh treatment regimen. 

Second question I’ve been asked is about my hair. My hair is still going strong and here :) As I have mentioned, the biochemo regimen I am on doesn’t make me completely lose my hair, only thin it. Other bloggers have said their hair changes around day 14, and that is tomorrow so I will keep you posted. I am hoping it doesn’t change much so that I have some long hair for coverage in the summer. If it does drastically change then I plan on cutting it and donating what is left. We shall see!

Another thing being asked is what I am doing to fill my time in between treatments. I truly have had -zero- energy since being home so I don’t do much with my time but relax. I have started to watch a couple Netflix shows and started to catch up on my OnDemand/DVR stuff. I also have been talking with friends and family when I have the energy, or just texting/messaging. I find myself spending a lot of time on Facebook, Instagram and Pinterest - so get posting people! I also have passed some hard levels on CandyCrush and SodaCrush, but I’m trying to limit that to a minimum. I also have a large stack of random magazines my friends have sent me. I have not read much though, magazines or books, because it has been hard to focus on such things after treatment. Treatment affects your focus and you get what is called chemo-brain where you just are a little more ditzy is the best I can describe it. There is also a level of amnesia that comes with treatment. For example, there are multiple conversations and messages I have no recollection of. On top of everything listed above, I have been sleeping. Like I said, zero energy. I just went outside for the first time in 5 days yesterday and I may leave the house for a moment tonight, that’s about my entire energy quota for the day. But I am getting better each day, so there is that. 

Those are some of the questions I have gotten, hope this clears some of it up! But, there are no dumb questions about biochemo, it is a weird thing and so different from regular chemo so there are bound to be questions so please ask them! 

One day (question) at a time!

Paper Chain for the win!

An amazing paper chain all the way from NY with amazing messages on them, as you can see. I now have two great chains so count down this journey. Thanks @emilyblythe it’s great. 
Also can’t go without thanking @samanthabrynne for her amazing chain as well. My room is decorated amazingly now! Love both you ladies to the moon. #paperchain #Melafuckinoma #cancersucks but #myarmy helps me through it. 💜

Finally turned a corner

I have finally started to feel better the last two days and it feels good. I still have very limited energy but the nausea has subsided substantially which is a blessing. Nausea is one of the worst feelings, especially when it is so persistent. My skin is also still very itchy but it is manageable.  

I have just over a week left before my next round of biochemo. I am nervous going into this round since I have been so weak and energy-less. I am so much more weak entering this next round that it will be interesting to see how different it is. I spoke with my doctors about a game plan and they said that we can adjust some levels if needed.  It is nice to know there are options. 

With just over a week before round 2 I want to try and get out of the house and maybe see some of my close friends and family. I have only left the house once since treatment and that was to go to the Acute Care Clinic. I hope that my energy and side effects play along and I just start feeling better each day. I also hope food starts sounding good again… the taste in my mouth is making everything sound blah and the nausea doesn’t help either. But my motto is still one day at a time so that’s what I’ll do until I’m all done. 

I have a count down, ie a paper chain that has now 80 links. That’s 80 days until biochemo and radiation is done. 10 inpatient days. 6 at home injections. 21 radiation treatments. And numerous recovery days. I can manage it more breaking it down like that. 

One day at a time, trying to enjoy the journey. 

Cancer is hard.

I have been home for almost a week and it has been one of the hardest weeks. It sadly has been harder being home than being at the hospital being pumped full of chemo. I have had a continuous fight with nausea and fatigue and just barely was able to eat some solids last night. On Monday I had to go in to the acute care clinic at Huntsman to receive fluids since my body wasn’t playing nice. Dehydration isn’t a fun thing. They got me feeling better pretty fast and sent me on my way. 
One thing I will say is that my care through all this has been amazing and very personal. Every nurse, doctor and staff has been beyond kind and caring. It makes such a difference having a good care staff vs. a horrible one. 

That brings me to my sister and mom. No idea how I would do this without them. Sarah has been so great and caring. She made me “magic bone broth” that literally was the only thing I could keep down with any nutrients for the past week. She has created medicine charts/schedules, tracked symptoms, been my researcher on those symptoms and has been the gate keeper of people checking in and attempting to visit - or being the “bad cop” as she says. (sorry to my amazing army who want to come see me, it just isn’t in the cards right now) My sister has just been a rock steady support through all this, just amazing. 
My mom has been great too, she has come up while my sister is at work just to make sure I’m ok or need anything. Sadly she has come down with a nasty cold so she isn’t able to come visit for a while until it is cleared up. I am lucky to have these ladies as my constant strength. 

When I went into the clinic on Monday they tested my white blood cell counts and they were back in the normal range which is a really good thing. I had to do a shot on Sunday that was to boost them and thank goodness it worked because holy hell it was an expensive shot ($5600) I can definitely think of a whole lot of things I’d rather spend that money on. Because of my issues from everything though they decided to not have me take the home injections of the interferon as it seems like my body wouldn’t handle it well. It is still a possibility after round 2 and 3 but as for now I don’t have to take them. 

Each day I have a new symptom emerge it seems. Yesterday was that my entire body itches (that is still going on fyi) and today I feel like my lungs are spasming. All things we are monitoring and hoping go down fast. 

On a good note, I have never felt more love and support from my friends and family. I have had meals delivered (really cool actually), a housekeeper came in and cleaned the main level, “chemo care kits” dropped off, a treatment paper chain made (adorable), numerous text and email check-ins and calls. There is even a secret support group on facebook that they are organizing meals and things, really it’s amazing. I really don’t know how I would do this without all the love, truly. It makes me speechless. 

I hope to write more as I start feeling better and enter into round 2. 

Thanks for the love and support, it doesn’t go unnoticed. 

Still taking things one day at a time. 

I made it through week one

Sunrise on my the last day of my first round/week of chemo.. I’m excited to go home and to rest in my own bed. One round down, two to go. 
#cancersucks #melanoma #stage3c #melafuckinoma #biochemo (at Huntsman Cancer Institute)

Hump day

I am officially more than half way done with my first round of biochemo! I have finished 7 of the 9 bags of the chemo drugs ans just have a couple more bags/injections of the immunotherapy drugs. 

I have been tolerating things pretty well, and my doctor and nurses even threw out the word “rockstar.” this makes me feel good. It has been rough but not as rough as I had thought it would be, thankfully. I have mostly been dealing with nauseousness, fatigue and fevers. All of these things are easily controlled so they don’t last too long. 

I am excited to get home to my own bed to sleep but not so excited to do this all two more times. But I have to do what I have to do. The staff has been beyond amazing and caring and it truly makes such a difference. 

Now off go bed.. I barely make it to 9pm! 

And so it begins...

And so it begins… 
Today is the day that I start the next phase in my cancer battle: biochemo. The next 2 months are going to be rough but you can’t finish something without starting it…

Thank you for all the love and support through all this, it helps me fight harder and keeps my head up! #melafuckinoma #cancersucks #biochemo #melanoma #stage3c (at Huntsman Cancer Institute)