At the edge of the next battle...

Tomorrow is the day. Tuesday February 24th to be exact. I have said those words so many times in the last two weeks that I didn’t really think they would actually be a real thing and actually arrive. But here I am, prepping to start this journey tomorrow. Tomorrow is when it all begins, where this next chapter in my life starts. 

How many people can say that they know the moment that things will all be different? It is a strange feeling. Tomorrow I go in for surgery to remove the remaining lymph nodes on the left side of my neck, anywhere from 20-60 of them. Metastatic Melanoma has struck one for sure and it has grown to be over 2cm around.. pretty much an inch. After two biopsies and endless feeling of it, it has started to be visable and has become tender. I feel my body is becoming aware of what is inside and is starting to do something… lets just hope that something isn’t to spread. 

For almost 6 weeks now I have known my cancer has returned and for the most part have suppressed any major meltdowns, given the handful of minor breakdowns. I have been called strong and brave more times than I can even understand and I don’t know if I would consider myself these things. I think I just am taking things one day at a time and just am doing what I have to so I can move on to the things I want to. I have somehow learned to focus on the big picture and try to not stress the smaller details so that a better result may come of it. I will say that I can’t shake the thought of the worst case scenario though, as much as I have tried to avoid it. For some reason my mind can block out many details of this whole situation but can’t block out that. 

As for tomorrow I am going to be taking it second by second. I will take with me the names of each and every person who has offered their love and support for me since letting them in on my journey. My army is giant and it is strong. It is because of them that I will get through this next step.. 

Now to attempt to sleep a bit before it all… 

Some random things…

Surgery this time is the EXACT day and date of my last one 6 years ago, Tuesday February 24th. 

The time 11:11 has haunted me these past few days

I had 2 deja vu’s in the past few days, and that is how I feel I am on the right path

I have ate more food in the past 5 weeks than anyone should. Can’t fight cancer hungry!

I am more worried about my back getting injured in surgery than I am about the actual procedure they are doing.. 

Here goes nothing… on to the next battle we go!