I have decided to start reading people’s blogs who have also gone down this road called Melanoma, and I’m not sure if I am happy I started doing this or if I should have stayed in my little bubble of not knowing more than I need to know. I didn’t start googling/reading things until after I was home from my surgery and started reading more once my pathology came back. Once the bad news came in things just got a little too real and I needed to take some control of the information floating around in my head, but like I said, not so sure that was the best move.
On one hand it is nice to hear what is ahead to be ready and not be surprised when I get hit with crazy symptoms, side effects and such. But on the other hand I now know a lot of what is to come and it is pretty scary and a long road. I have only read blogs where there is a successful outcome so there is that to always look forward to in the end. Pinterest is a different beast as well. It has been very helpful to find things and tricks to help ease this bumpy ride but it also makes your mind start thinking about so many things that it didn’t before.
One thing I have to keep in mind is that everyone has a different reaction and tolerance to things as well as a different medical plan. Again, I have to have confidence in my doctors and their recommendations for me going forward or else I will get too far in my head about things and overthink every little thing.
I find out this week what the real plan is. I feel like it is progressing so slowly but it is needed to give my incision the time to heal before starting on such an intense treatment path. I have a week full of doctor’s appointments. I was told by a friend who is also an oncologist to make fighting cancer my full time job and that’s what this week will feel like, 4 days and 6 appointments. I am not working right now so cancer is my fulltime job. I could start as early as the following week. It all just feels like a dream, or a nightmare really, that I will wake up from. Surgery/scars included.
It has been nice to have some more energy and be able to see friends and family though, everyone has been amazing beyond belief. Brings tears to my eyes to think about the support I have received and the numerous gifts. I am a lucky girl.
Now I might go look at Jimmy Fallon and Justin Timberlake sketches to balance out my other searches… and maybe some puppies too.
One day at a time.
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