Scanxiety

Tomorrow is my scan day. Tomorrow we will find out if the cancer has stayed localized or spread. We will also find out if the treatment is working well enough to continue or if we will be switching treatments. We will be doing a biopsy tomorrow as well - one of my least favorite things. If we continue on with this treatment we will start the additional injections tomorrow as well. If we switch then we will set up a schedule to start the new treatment, most likely PD1. I am hoping that it is working enough to continue on this treatment plan but I am nervous that it isn't working as well as needed as I still have two large tumors in my neck. They were shrinking in the beginning but I feel like they have plateaued and stopped shrinking. I guess we will wait and see. I used to never be nervous about scans until this year. Now it gives me major anxiety, or scanxiety as it is called in the cancer world. It will be a long day up at the hospital, yet again but I will be happy to have it over with. Here's hoping for some good news!

First day back at the market

Today I worked the market again! For some of you that don't know my market history - I used to be a vendor and sold sea salt caramels (hence the blog name, sweetsaltydeliciousness...) and then once I injured my back I decided to end that chapter and then became one of the market managers. I help manage the vendors and operations day of. After my cancer diagnosis and treatment I haven't been back - since February. Today they were short on cashiers for the breakfast so I filled in. It was my semi-return to the markets and I was greeted with open arms. Everyone was so excited to see me and just was so happy that I felt good enough to be there.
I worked for 4 hours, standing the entire time and I did alright. By the end I was a bit shaky and exhausted but I was happy I was able to do that much. The market is truly like a family - they have been so great through this battle and extremely supportive. I am not sure if I will be working more this weekend or not - we shall see!

Huntsman Cancer Institute Gala

Tonight I was able to attend a gala for Huntsman Cancer Institutes 20 year anniversary. The theme of the night was "Changing the DNA of Cancer" which is exactly what we are attempting to do with my current treatment. My good friend Courtney works in the graphic design department for Huntsman and so she invited me. I didn't attend the dinner but arrived towards the tail end of the presentations and was able to hear Jon and Karen Huntsman speak. I am so greatful for all they have done in regards to cancer research. It scares me to think what it would be like if Huntsman wasn't around. I have relied on them and their for 6 1/2 years. They spoke about who will take over and it will be passed on to Peter Huntsman.
After the presentations there was a survivorship celebration. It was like a giant party to celebrated conquering cancer. There were drinks, tons of desserts, a candy bar, photo booth and video booth. There was also a live band that was really good. I was stopped on the way in by Mary Nichols (a local news anchor) who told me how great she thought my hair was. She asked me how things were going and was just a sweetheart. I was hugged by many people and just felt so supported! I was one of maybe 5 people who were obviously cancer patients just from our hair, but who knows how many were truly there. It was a lot of fun! We did some great photos in the photo booth and danced a bit. I was happy to be a part of it!

HOPE - with Courtney

Jon and Karen Huntsman

Changing the DNA of Cancer

Like my glasses?

I was getting into my part...

What the TRex?!

Seattle

I got out of town this last weekend! I haven't gone out of town since my diagnosis so it was great to have a change of scenery. My good friend is getting married so we went there for a bachelorette getaway. We stayed downtown and walked all over. I probably walked more than I have in two years! But I kept up! We went to Pike Place and got some good food. The girls did a lot of shopping and it was a good time. Seattle reminds me a lot of San Francisco, with steep hills, lots of fun places to see and eat at. I spent Friday - Sunday with the girls and then Sunday-Tuesday night I met up with my good friends who live about 20 minutes outside of Seattle. We did all the fun touristy things like see the Space Needle, Pike Place again, fish and chips on the pier and we even went to the Washington State Fair. I still wasn't able to drink coffee - I tried and it was a no go! So sad... But we did go visit Starbucks corporate which was pretty cool.
It was a fun and long 4 days and even though it was great to see my good friends and spend time with them, I was excited to get back home. I'll definitely have to visit again soon.

I'm hoping to get out of town again soon, maybe even before Mexico! Here are some pictures from my trip.

Pedicure time

Breakfast

Love this lady - Happy Bachelorette!

On one of our many walks

Good times

Walking through some sketchy parts of town

Just a mid day Seattle selfie

Pike Place Market

Found this sign at a childrens cancer research center - pretty cool

At Seattle Center

With Cliff and Brooke at Seattle Center

Random Photo Ops

Washington State Fair

Hypothyroidism

Today I got a call from my doctors office and they informed me that the immunotherapy (Ipilumimab) is causing me to have hypothyroidism. This explains my extreme fatigue, constantly being hot and my difficulty falling asleep - no matter how tired I am. They started me on some medication to help regulate the thyroid so hopefully that starts to help. Hopefully this is all temporary and I will be able to go off of the medication sooner rather than later.

39 Weeks

A week has gone by since my treatment and I definitely feel better than I did. The first few days were a bit rough, but now I am just back to being nauseous and tired. I'm a bit more nauseous this round than I have been before - enough that I have taken medication for it. I also have had a few intense headaches. Luckily things have been getting better each day. Scans are in two weeks - I'm anxious to see what they show. Hopefully things are progressing in a positive way and no new cancer growth is seen. I never used to be nervous for scans but now the scanxiety is real! It will be a long day up at the hospital that day as I will have scans and most likely have an injection that day as well. I started to think about how long I will be in this treatment and if I have all 13 additional injections that will be 39 weeks. I could have a baby by then! If you counted how long since rediagnosis (36 weeks) then I technically could have two babies! How crazy is that? If it is working and I still feel pretty good then it really isn't that long to give up to have so much more time down the road. Still crazy to think about though..

Today I went to visit a close friend who is like a second dad to me. He was my boss for 6+ years and most people aren't too fond of him, but for some reason he and I just bonded from the very first weeks we knew each other. It was great to just sit and talk with him about life and he only really brought up my cancer for a minute or two to get the catch-up info and then to move past it as he knows I am more than just my cancer diagnosis. It was nice to have someone talk with me about their life and other things than just cancer. As I went to leave he started to tear up and just told me how he just doesn't know what I'm going through and couldn't begin to understand the emotions linked to it all. He said how scared he is for me going through all this. We had a good quick cry and then went our separate ways - he didn't want other people to see him actually having feelings. He's such a great man, happy that he is a father figure in my life.

I go to Seattle in two days and am pretty excited to have a change in scenery for a few days. I am hoping I have enough energy to keep up with the girls, might have to take some nap breaks each day. We shall see! It also doesn't help that I can't drink coffee yet and we are going to the coffee capital of the world practically... I might attempt to have some and see how I feel. Stupid acidity!

Here's to 39 more weeks - or less!!

This is how the tumor looks today

I went to the Greek Festival this past weekend and my friends all lit candles for me and I lit one for Mandy. I am not a religious person, but do believe in positive energy and thoughts.

My snuggle buddy this past week. She hates when I'm sick

The Gong!

In the cancer world there is a gong or bell that you get to ring when you finish chemo or a cancer treatment. It is in the infusion room and once you are finished with your last treatment you get to ring that sucker!
Because my chemo was done in an inpatient setting, so in the hospital part not the infusion room, there wasn't a gong or bell or anything. I litterally just walked out the front door, no real closure or validation for the fight I had just endured. I had wished there was one so bad!

Yesterday when I finished my  last infusion I finally was able to ring the gong! I asked the nurse to film me as my friends had left by then, and she didn't catch it the first time so she had me ring it again! Two times - so perfect! For the two treatments I have completed. It really means so much more than you'd think. It is the little things in this fight that really mean a lot.

Here is the video of the second time.

Treatment #6

Yesterday I finished my 6th injection and 4th (and final) infusion. It was a long day again, about 8 hours up at the hospital going to and from multiple appointments and ending in the infusion room. As far as progress, it wasn't what I wanted to hear. I had a feeling the tumors were bigger or just the same size and they both were bigger. My doctor told me to not be too concerned and that once we get the scans done (in 3 weeks) that we will be able to see if it is tumor mass or if it is becoming a different liquid. If it is more liquid it means that the treatment is working and that it is dissolving the tumor. That's what we are hoping for. Although it is what we would like, it is still hard to hear them say it has gone back up. I just want them gone!! But it will take time. I have to be patient.
I have felt so good through this treatment - almost too good at times. I actually have to remind myself to not overdue some days. But after treatment yesterday it hit me like a bag of bricks. It was my roughest night since chemo. I was up most of the night, couldn't get comfortable since my tumor was so tight and swollen. I was extremely nauseous and ended up throwing up 4 times. (I wont be having pho anytime soon..) I finally dozed off around 4:15 am. I woke up just as nauseous and exhausted. I left the house to get my mind off how sick I was but ended up coming back and enjoying a 2 1/2 hour nap, and could definitely go to bed still. The nausea is still intense. Working on staying hydrated and not overdo things. Was going to go to the fair tonight to watch a good friend sing, but nope. Cancer had a different plan. It is to be lazy and let my body fight this beast. Again, I have to be patient.

After my last treatment (#5) I posted a picture on Instagram and got a comment on my picture from someone I didn't know. This alarmed me for multiple reasons, first I am not usually public so to get a random comment is strange (I had put my profile public for a couple days). And second the comment was "I saw you up there today." Little stalkerish lol. But I went to her profile and came to find out that I also saw her in the infusion room. She also is 32, also has Melanoma (stage 4) and is also doing the exact same treatment as me. What are the odds? So we connected through Facebook and texts and we finally met up yesterday in real life. I can't describe the connection we have. We are so much alike - besides both fighting this beast. She's a doll! She also brought me an amazing gift of wooden flowers, so dang nice! All I brought her is some medicated lotion for her hives ha! I went the thoughtful route for once. I think we will have a friendship for a long time to come. Some of the good things to come out of this cancer BS.

I also saw my cousins who live in New York this past week and it was so great to see them - I don't know the last time I saw them. Emily was horribly injured while in Bora Bora by 4 dogs on the beach. They attacked her out of the blue and nearly killed her. We have been in contact since the accident but it was so great to actually see her face to face. She is beyond strong and I can't imagine the terror that she experienced that day and the days to follow. She is amazing - it made me have a restart of energy and perseverance. She is doing so well and improving daily still. And she has amazing names for all her big injuries - I want them to name my tumors for me! I'll work on that. It is amazing the battles everyone faces, large and small. To see her conquer this with grace is amazing. I truly have amazing people in my life.

I'm hoping that I don't feel sick for too long. I have a trip to Seattle in a week and am hoping I feel good for that. Guess we shall see!

Here are some pictures from the last few days...

 

Left: Before injections Right: Today after injections

 

My beautiful wooden flowers!

Infusion Room Selfie #4

My sweet visitor Elise

My water mug ie: my binkie. I love this sucker!

New melanoma bracelets

My hair is growing like a weed! And my eyelashes are crazy long too...

My new cancer buddy Mandy - We will beat this!

Happy 70th Birthday Dad!

Today was my dads 70th birthday! I can't believe he is that old, just weird. He looks and acts much younger than that.
We went to a fancy dinner and they made him do a Spanish tradition for good luck. He had to drink out of this thing for 12 seconds, one second for each month of the new year. It is to grant him good luck in the upcoming year. It was hilarious.
My dad is a goofball but cares a lot even if he doesn't show it. It tears him up that I am sick and there is nothing he can do about it. Just shows how much he loves me, and I love him.

Happy birthday Dad - to many more!

A 70's picture for his 70th

For his card I wrote down 70 things I love about him for his 70th birthday, here is the list...

Reality is rough!

So I am definitely back to work. I am working roughly 20ish hours a week driving and running around for my good friends and their multiple companies. Although I'm not doing much physical things (thanks to my old lady back.. that's a whole other post...) I still get wiped out after running around for a few hours. I am happy to be back though as it is nice having purpose in my day. From this treatment the fatigue has been pretty bad. Not nearly as bad as chemo, as I don't think many things can compare to that craziness, but it is still pretty crazy how tired I get. I have also been nauseous every morning since my last treatment. I have only thrown up once, but the nausea is pretty consistent. I would compare how I feel to being pregnant.
I have also been getting out more and spending more time at the weekend market with friends. Slowly working up the stamina to start back working the markets. I am not sure that will happen by the end of the season but I will keep trying.
I started dogsitting again about two months ago and have been doing that a lot more. I have a pretty packed schedule for the rest of the year. It is nice to have a change of scenery plus make a few bucks. One day I will have a real job, but for now the random side jobs add up enough.
I go in for my last infusion and injections on Wednesday. I am a bit nervous because I feel like my tumors have began growing again. It looks much larger than it has so I am hoping it is either the same size or smaller but I'm not thinking it is. After this treatment I have my scans at the end of the month and we will evaluate whether to continue on this treatment (up to an additional 13 injections) or switch to a new treatment, probably PD1. We shall see... I am hoping for the injections to work and not switch treatments. Here's hoping...
I have some fun things coming up though, I go to Seattle in 10 days and then go to Mexico for my birthday in November. I am looking forward to both! I am hoping that for Seattle I don't feel too sick as it will only be 8 days after treatment. If I feel like I have this last round I will be just fine and be able to enjoy myself. It should be fun!

On to my next treatment, can't believe I am already through almost all of it! What a year it has been. I am grateful my body has tolerated all this as well as it has. Craziness I tell ya! Here are some pictures from the week...

Tumor

Sunrise - hadn't seen one of these for a while!

Go Utes!

Hanging at the golf course with Brookie

#shorthairdontcare

Not all days are easy..

Although I strive to make the best out of each situation and not get too down on myself during such hard times, I still have my days. Today was one of those days. I was so tired that waking up was so hard. It took all my might to get out of bed to head to work (didn't help that I had to leave by 7:30am) but I managed to get my tired cancer fighting ass out of bed and head out. I worked a breakfast and was cashiering. The line approached me so that they were greeted with my scar. Almost everyone looked at it but didn't say anything, definitely made me self conscious. I tried to not let it bug me and just kept on keeping on the best I could.

After work I stopped at the outlets to do some quick shopping and it seemed as though almost everyone would walk by me and do a double take on my scar. It was beyond obvious when they would do it. Add to it that everything I tried on was either too big or too small, thanks to my chemo weight loss (which I am grateful for, don't get me wrong!) I am in between sizes so I wasn't able to find anything. I really almost wish people would just ask me about the scar instead of pretending they didn't just get caught staring. I know that wont happen, but it is so much less awkward when people just confront it. And the people who have asked me straight up have been so great and nice!

Also when I got home my back decided to seize up. I bent a lot at the breakfast as well as stood more than I had in months. Just made me sad that my back is still so fragile. Boo!!

I have learned to embrace my scalp scar, but that took time. I am not sure when I will learn to embrace my neck scar, but it definitely isn't today. Today was a rough day, but just like all the days before it I made it through just fine. Just got to keep on trucking through this cancer battle. One day I will wear this scar with honor. One day...