Surgery Day

Today is the day, surgery.

I have been blocking out what is ahead of me for a bit. Sure I have talked about it and shared the possible outcomes but I have been making my mind think that the day may not really come, that the surgeon will reschedule or that some miraculous thing happened and they began to shrink on their own. Of course none of these things happened, but we are here. I have 20 minutes until I have to leave the house. Things have gotten real!

Today is the last day I will have these tumors that I have gotten so used to for 15+ months. Not that I want to keep them,I just don't really remember what it is like to not have them as a constant thing to focus on. And who would think that I would be worried about missing my giant scar? It is going to be replaced by another giant scar, just more giant-er.

My hopes for today are that things go smoothly and that there is minimal nerve damage and permanent issues. I hope that the scar is as minimal as it can be, considering. I hope to wake up and be able to smile and move my facial muscles. I hope to wake up and be able to swallow on my own. I hope to wake up without nerve pain (just pain from the surgery). I hope to wake up to good news and not bad. Lots of hopes.

For now I am going to try and focus and get the final things ready for this big, life changing moment. My phone is blowing up with messages of love and encouragement. This is what keeps me going and staying positive and being brave.

Here we go.