8 Years

8 years ago I was told I had melanoma. It is amazing to me that it has been this long and this hard. Although there was about 6 years of calm, the last two years have definitely made up for it.

I got the call about my most recent biopsy (which wasn't a fun biopsy to say the least, don't know if they will ever get easier) yesterday and it is in fact melanoma. I had really had my mind set on it being scar tissue or something of that sort, but no. The most frustrating part is that the area is the dead center of where the radiation hit the hardest. That means that even with that much of an attack, those cells are that big of assholes that they are there still and growing. This doesn’t change my treatment plan, I will continue on Keytruda. What it does do is open up the option for a couple more clinical trials if my brain lesion stabilizes. This last week has been the first I have noticed headaches coming from the area of the tumors which scares me. It has subsided but it definitely was there.

Lately I have been a bit down about things. I think just because it’s been a long 4 months of fighting hard. And to find out that even with the hard treatments the cancer is still growing is a lot. I also don’t really have anything else going on besides my cancer fight so that frustrates me too because I usually am such a busy body. Right now I am just in a waiting game to see if I will be having any side effects from my treatment and can’t really make plans for too much until I know what that will be. When you feel that your time is limited (and it could be years and years, but still limited) all you want to do is anything but wait. I hate getting down about things that I can’t control, like the cancer spreading and such, but I just can’t help it these last few weeks. I am trying to work on it though.

This is when I have to work on things one day at a time, moment by moment. Hoping things mentally turn around soon. 

My fingertip is on top of or pointing directly to where the new tumor is. It is extremely small so I can't feel it at all, I just know from where the biopsy entry points