Today was a very long and overwhelming day (as if I haven’t had enough of those in this battle..) Today I met with a radiation oncologist as well as a new general/melanoma oncologist to decide on treatment going forward. This day has been in my mind for weeks, literally 3, and it just hit me harder than I expected. I knew things would have to be decided soon, but it is still a lot more intense when you are in back to back appointments from 9am-2pm and being bombarded with so much information about what you are about to willingly agree to do. Then at the end of it they hand you a paper and ask you to sign in agreement and I literally cried as I signed the paper that basically will change my life as I know it from here on out. These days are now known as my BC days (before chemo).
Things are starting fast.. as in 6 days. The room requests and insurance paper work is filed. Additional tests scheduled. And now the timeline has begun. I was pretty certain that it would still be an additional week before starting but was caught off guard when they date of April 6th was announced. So Monday it is.
How do you even get ready for such a thing.. I have read more blogs about things and I don’t know if I will continue to read them going forward. I think I will just look up any question I have as it comes up and will try my best to enjoy the moments of this week before my treatment begins.
Although there aren’t many great things to look forward to when you think of chemo, there were some positive things that I was happy to hear today. One of them being that my hair most likely will not fall out but just thin. I had been planning to do a hair cutting party before starting and donate my hair as I figure if it was going to disappear anyway that it should go to a good cause instead of just fall out. I still will consider this option if it begins to thin drastically. My doctor suggested to see how this round treats me and not do anything drastic right now. Secondly, I was informed that my restrictions as far as dealing with my compromised immune system are not as severe as I had read about and will just need to be cautious but can still enjoy going out in public and seeing people, as long as they are not sick or have been around sick people/kids. I will probably still avoid many public situations for the safety of things, it is nice to know that I wont have to just be a shut in. Same goes for food options, where I felt there were more limitations there aren’t as many and I basically have the same as a pregnant woman.
Something that popped in my head today as I was driving was that I endured almost 3 months of pain and issues with my back surgery and that was when I thought it was only going to be 4-6 weeks of issues so I can handle and make it through 9+ weeks of biochemo and feeling terrible. Or at least that is what I am trying to tell myself. 9 weeks go by so fast and so I’m hoping this case isn’t any different.
I have a feeling these next 5 days will speed past. I was going to go on a mini vacation but now think it is just too overwhelming and stressful sadly to go. The travel time will be a 1/3 of the vacation time and I just don’t think it will be good right now. I am still deciding though. I’m completely torn. As for now I’m going to rest up for my next two days of 3 appointments/scans per day and try not to stay awake stressing about things I can’t change.
One day at a time. One minute at a time…
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