Looking back at biochemo days...

A year ago today I was at Huntsman Cancer Institute, checking in for my 5 day inpatient stay to start biochemo (3 chemotherapy drugs and 2 immunotherapy drugs all at the same time; 5 days on; 16 days off x 3 rounds) I was terrified. I had a good idea of what was ahead of me but also no idea at the same time...
Biochemo definitely was one of the hardest things I have ever endured. I don't remember the last two days of the 5 days inpatient, they are completely a blur. It may be that they push your body to an extreme toxicity rate that your mind just blocks it out. Who knows. All I know is that I am happy it is behind me and that I wont be doing it again.

Although it was brutal, it showed me a lot of things. It showed me what courage looks like, even if that meant just making it through the next 30 minutes of rigors (extreme shakes during a fever) or it meant making that lap around the hospital floor so that you got some extra circulation in your legs and blood flow in general. I learned what strength meant and I leaned on my family and friends to help build that up, day by day. Sometimes strength doesn't mean grinning and bearing it, sometimes strength means breaking down and sobbing while keeping your arm still as they place a PICC line. Or it means sitting up outside of bed and working on a puzzle so that you don't sleep the entire day away. Or dragging that dang IV pole around with me for 5 days... and courage not to punch it when it would beep at all hours of the night, talk about the worst noise ever! #Myarmy showed up and #teamlex was formed; I have never felt more loved in my life.

It's crazy to think how long I have been in the trenches with this cancer and hard to digest the timeline that is ahead of me but for now I am here, trying to make the most of what I have been dealt.

Melanoma, I hate you with a passion but I can't deny that you have helped me change my outlook on life and the people I choose to share it with. I have made the choice to face this with positivity and and possibility - to take the worst thing that can happen and make it the best thing that's happened. It is a daily struggle but worth the hard work.

I have come so far from this day a year ago and hope you all follow me as I continue this fight until the end. Thanks for those who have embarked on this insane journey with me (especially those amazing friends who met me in the lobby and honked at me driving up on day one, you know who you are!) I don't know what I'd do without you.

Love you all to the moon and back, a thousand times over.

xox

TL: Me and my IV pole, day one. TR: One of those moments I don't remember

And below: My message to Melanoma!