People tell me a lot that they just don't know how I stay so positive when I'm in the middle of such a shit storm. Well some days it isn't easy. The decision to not live in anger or frustration is somewhat part of my personality but I just don't like that feeling so I run from it at all costs. Dealing with cancer is just one of those things. That said, these last few weeks have been hard. I can feel the effects of cancer practically all day and it is beginning to affect the things I do on a regular basis. My neck has multiple tumors and for some reason they are constantly pressing on nerves so that means constant pain which means constant meds on a schedule. I try to not let people see the harsh reality of the pain but it's getting hard to hide
And then there is the steroid situation. Steroids right now are a necessary evil. Due to my liver toxicity/autoimmune hepatitis I need to take them to bring the enzyme levels down. Steroids have many side effects that have their ups and downs. The up is that they give you energy, but sadly it is false energy so you end up wearing yourself out more than you would normally. If you don't use the energy you feel kinda "buzzed". They make me pretty shaky and the heat makes all the symptoms worse. I went to a bbq yesterday and just being out in the heat made me extremely exhausted and so so shaky. It felt a lot like dehydration and/or heat exhaustion. Had to take a few hours to recoup. I just feel really physically weak.
Like I said I don't like to notice and remember I have cancer - I don't like falling into the "cancer patient" roll. Too real. I want to enjoy my life as it is and not be reminded constantly that I'm sick.
Anyways that is my rant for now. I just want to live it up this summer and really would like cancer to step aside.
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