Stage IV

What I have fought so hard for 7.5 years to avoid is now a reality – I am stage IV. 

I had scans early last month and the results weren’t good. The cancer has spread past my neck. I have a small tumor (4mm) in my brain and around 10 even smaller ones in my lungs.

Right now we are going to put our focus on the brain lesion and treat that with a one-time blast of radiation called stereotactic radiosurgery (SRS). This won’t happen for another week, most likely two, and I shouldn’t have too bad of side effects from it – fatigue mostly it looks like. The lung lesions are most likely undetectable now with the treatment I am on, but we won’t know for sure until the next scans which will be in another 4-6 weeks.

I also had an appointment today to go over the next steps (radiation, treatments, etc.) and to check my liver. Well, sadly my liver has spiked again and I am admitted to Huntsman once again for observation. For some reason my liver is not tolerating any treatment I am on so they are bringing on the hematology/liver team to hopefully figure it all out. For now, we have just thrown a lot of steroids at the liver and it worked for the most part but isn’t a long term solution (and my sanity and puffy cheeks need a break from them!) and we need to have my liver tolerate the cancer drugs. I feel so silly being in the hospital when I feel just fine but they are worried that the liver levels are going to continue to increase over the next 24 hours so they need to have me under observation (and some more steroids for the time being.) I will be here for at least a day they are thinking.

I have NO symptoms or side effects from either. No pain, no issues. I wouldn’t know they were there unless I had scans. 

I have known since July 17th, so I have been sitting in the information and just processing things. I didn't want to post anything until I knew more details and I also wanted to enjoy the things I had already planned without being the center of attention and focus. I also didn't want it to be real, and once it is posted, it definitely is real. Thank you for understanding why I held on to the news for as long as I have.

This news isn't fun for anyone. It is the type of news that makes your best friend get in her car the next day and drive from California to see you and be here for you. It is news that you try and wrap your head around and realize that really will never happen. 

What I do know is that this news wont stop me from living my life and carrying on. I wont put things on hold because of this change, I will keep on keeping on. Making plans as I can. Obviously priorities will change and re-position, but in a good way. Probably how they always should have been, Basically everything changes while nothing changes.