Have been insane. A roller coaster. Emotional. Busy!
I found out my cancer spread on July 17th. After that was my aunts birthday, then Utahs Pioneer Day, then my sister and cousins birthday on the 26th. I decided to not tell my extended family the new news until after these events passed so that we could enjoy them and not focus on me. It also gave me time to process the information a bit and get a better understanding on it.
The night of my sisters birthday we got the call that my cousin and his 8 year old son died tragically. Front page news and all. Even though we weren't close, there was no way to ease this horrific news and have really any understanding. It still doesn't seem real at all.
During this time I was lucky to have my best friend in town to help keep me busy and mind off of the craziness around me. I also had a good friends bachelorette staycation in Park City - so there were some fun parts to the insanity.
On the 1st I had a brain radiation consultation, then on the 3rd I had a normal appointment and ended up being admitted for the night. Not what I had in mind! While in the hospital I got a distress call from my cousin who lives by my uncle (the dad and grandpa to the two that died earlier in the week) saying he wasn't doing well and for my dad to call. My dad luckily talked to my uncle, who ended up passing away in the night from what looks like a broken heart/heart just stopped. Three generations gone in a matter of a week. My uncle and I had become a bit closer over the past couple years. He has lived in Oregon for some time so I haven't seen him in a very long time, but thanks to Facebook we have been able to communicate. He also had cancer so we connected on that level as well. He was my crazy uncle Mike. And I say that lovingly - but he was a bit crazy. It was good to get a random message here and there from him, and I hope he felt the same with my messages.
Then followed funeral planning and such - never fun for anyone. My take away from it all - HAVE A WILL OR YOUR WISHES IN WRITING!
Then yesterday I had my liver biopsy, and today was the services for my uncle and cousin. The services for the 8 year old were held the day my uncle passed.
To cap off the week, on Friday my sister will graduate/walk with her masters degree. It will be nice to end these crazy few weeks with something joyful.
Life doesn't slow down - no matter who you are. And sometimes it is an insane roller coaster with a whole lot of dips, like right now. Families can be a bit crazy, but it is because they care. I struggled with knowing that my family overwhelms me with support - sometimes too much - and the same support wasn't offered to someone of the same family, my cousin. I am guilty of this as well, but it just hit me hard that we come from the same family and our situations are so vastly different. I don't think I'm alone in the feeling of this guilt. It definitely has made our family reevaluate some things.
I know things will continue to go on and there will be crazy times, but man the past month has been particularly rough! Ready to get back into a routine and know what is next, hopefully will find out some things this week and make some plans.
Love you uncle Mike, Moses and Xavier - Hoka Hey as uncle Mike would say. Once I can have a drink I will have one for you, can't wait.
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