On top of moving into my own place (oh my, the unpacking is a disaster!) I had scans, appointments, the election, a tooth pulled, radiation consults, doctors appointments, radiation and chemo.
Lets talk about scans and results. Scans now are definitely more stressful just because I know there is disease and so it isn't a matter of if there is it is a matter of if there is more. Sadly on these scans there is more. My neck is looking good after surgery but there is a slight shadow that they need to rule out. What they are ruling out is whether or not it has spread to my jaw bone. In order to determine this I will be having a bone scan on Monday. I am not showing any signs or symptoms that this is what is happening, but again, we have to rule it out. As for my lungs they are stable still, unchanged. My brain has grown and there is an additional lesion. So there are two brain tumors in there. Both are small enough and in positions that I shouldn't feel any symptoms from which is reassuring. Because I now have a second brain lesion insurance has approved my SRS brain radiation and we will be doing that in the next coming weeks.
I went in to what I thought was just a trial run of radiation but ended up being actual treatment. There is a lot of lining up and measuring and such and then the actually radiation (if all goes as planned) is about 10 minutes. I have now had 3 of my 20 sessions. I can feel a little tightening in the skin and heat, so we shall see how the remaining sessions go.
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| You can see the impressions left on my forehead from the mask |
Chemo was a long day as well but things have been good so far. I got there at 8:20 and drugs didn't start until 11:30. There are a lot of labs and pre-drugs you need to take before starting the actual chemo so things take a real long time. A lot of hurry up and wait. The chemo I am receiving is new for me and is called Carbo-Taxol, a combination of two drugs. It is a very common chemo combo (say that a few times fast) for many cancers so we have a good idea of what to expect. So far I have felt pretty good. I have been tired mostly and have some waves of nausea but it is all managable. Hair should be starting to fall out around the 30th I'm expecting, usually 20-21 days after infusion. Even though I know it is coming, I am not really ready for it. again. I know it will grow back, but it is just such a blow to my confidence regardless, no matter how positive you try and stay. I am happy though that it is going to be winter and I can wear warm beanies the whole time.
Now to the election. I am proud to say that I voted for Hillary Clinton to be the next, and first female, president. I was so beyond excited that I got to vote for a female to run our nation and was also excited the polls weren't too chaotic when I went. Emotions were high for everyone - on both sides so the day was a little stressful. I wore a silly shirt (Timberlake/Fallon 2016)
to lighten the mood which helped a bit. And then the polls started closing, and being called. And all you could see was red states/victories. Just like that I felt punched in the gut and America elected Donald Trump to be the president. I read the news when I rolled over in bed at 2:12 am and saw it was called and am surprised I was able to fall back asleep. In the morning it took a lot for me to get up and at 'em for my appointments as I just couldn't believe it. And then it hit me like a brick. I could be without health insurance sooner than later, all because of the person in office. I literally felt at that moment that he held my life in his hands. I have been beyond lucky to have not had to work full time or at all while fighting this fight and it is all due to the luxury of the Affordable Care Act (Obamacare) without it I was denied coverage for being a preexisting condition and I had to work in order to be covered at all. I just felt in that moment that I had been stripped of my right to fight this the way I want to fight it, to treat it as a full time job - kicking cancers ass. And so the tears came, and they didn't stop coming for a long while. I asked my doctors while they were telling me I may have bone lesions as well as additional brain lesions, what I will do if I lose my insurance? I know nothing happens overnight, but in that moment I felt less than, I felt like a target and in a sense a minority. I truly don't know the last time I cried that hard and for that long. As the dust has settled in the past 5 days since the election, emotions are still high and questions are still being asked. He has said he wouldn't appeal the entire law, and keep the preexisting conditions as a non-issue going forward, which is good. Still doesn't mean I am not still terrified for what is to come. I just know that I have to keep up my fight here and hope that it will be able to continue.
Things are finally getting settled in my new place and slowly there are less and less boxes to go through. I am still on the hunt for a couch but I have my bed and lounge chair so I am good for a bit. TV is up, just need to get the DVD player working and get some internet finally and we will be in business! My family and friends have been so great and helpful with everything, seriously would be a disaster if it weren't for them.
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