The moment I have looked forward to for the last 2+ months is actually here, I am done with biochemo.
I went in on Monday and they were very busy so everything started pretty late. After I got all 5 drugs I had a very rough night full of chills, rigors and fevers. On Tuesday my labs came back with very high (10x) liver levels so my doctor had them stop/pause all medications. He ordered a liver specialist to come in and look at my case and although the liver doctor said we should be safe to continue, my doctor disagreed and just like that I was done. This wasn’t the way I pictured finishing such a giant task, so I was pretty emotional when the nurses told me they were just going to keep me overnight for fluids and observation. I wanted to go out strong, but my body had a different plan. My doctor came in the next day and explained to me that the risk of liver failure was real and that it was a higher risk than my cancer so that is why we stopped treatment. He also was very confident that I have received enough chemo for my stage of cancer so I am not really missing out too much. I went home Wednesday afternoon.
Although I only got about 24hrs of drugs I still am feeling the effects. Tired, weak, nauseous - but not anything close to what I would feel after 5 days of solid drugs. My friend compared 24hrs of this chemo regimen to running on the treadmill for a month. It was a good analogy I thought. Through all this I have been pretty impressed with what my body is capable of taking. Although I may be the nausea queen, I have tolerated the drugs well I think. I made it a goal to not be in my hospital bed unless it was night time or if they asked me to be in it (rare), so I sat in the window seat or recliners or took walks. The nurses were pretty surprised to always see me sitting or doing something. I attempted a puzzle this time but was too overwhelmed with everything that I didn’t get far. If I had 2 more days I probably could have finished the 500piecer.
Now we just wait for the radiation verdict from tumor board next Thursday to decide what is next. I am leaning towards no on radiation just based on the cons associated with it, I feel they are greater than the benefit for my stage since I don’t have a tumor to shrink. I have scans in one month, and if they are clear then I will just be in observation with scans/body checks every 3 months for the first 2 years. I’ve never been as anxious about scans as I am for this set.. scanxiety is what it is called. Hoping they are clear.
It’s been a hard couple days mentally after being home. It is hard to go from being looked after so closely to almost nothing. It is what is called patient to person transition/lost in transition. I think I am going to have a hard time starting life again, like nothing happened. I don’t really know what is next for me and I have put so much focus on my cancer fight that now that it is actively over I feel a bit lost. I hope this will pass and I will be able to move forward quickly.. One day at a time right?
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