Can't sleep...

It is 1:53 am and I can't sleep. Some of it is that I can't get comfortable with my dang neck nerves firing like crazy but most of it is thinking about random things. The main thing I keep thinking about is the Rally for Ruby in the morning. And just Ruby and her family in general. I just keep thinking how can she possibly have the same thing as me. How is it that she is so full of life yet inside her little body is a beast attacking. It just doesn't seem real, especially since she doesn't show any signs of being sick - even with treatment she hasn't had any side effects. She is truly a fighter and doesn't deserve the things she is forced to deal with. Me, I'm 33 and can understand what cards I've been dealt. I can understand, even though I'd rather not, the scary reality of what this diagnosis carries. I know the statistics. I don't want the statistics to apply to sweet innocent 3 year old Ruby. I don't want her to have to understand all of this. I want her to miraculously beat this f'r and grow up to be a sassy teenager that will give her sweet amazing parents a run for their money. I want so many things for this amazing girl. So so many things.

Back to the Rally. . . I know how much it meant to me to see my family, friends and community come together to support me time and time again and I just want that same feeling to go to the Thackeray family. I want tomorrow to be something that they remember forever as one of the many positive things to come out of an extremely negative situation. I want the memory of this day to pop in their head and bring tears of joy to their eyes like the thought of my birthday fundraiser party does. The thought of "is this real life?" Or "all of this for me/us?!." These are the memories that get me through rough patches and I just want this amazing family to have the same thing.

I know tomorrow will be incredible and full of love and support - as well as making a good amount of money. I've done my best to rally donations and do my small part to make it a better and hopefully more successful day. I know I'm not the only one rallying. There are close to 300 silent auction items - that speaks volumes.

I can't wait to basically have a mini high school reunion tomorrow and feel the love and support that will be in the air. I can't wait to hug Ali, just not to long of a hug cause we know what happens then. Tears. I'll take a short hug over no hug :)

Now to try and fall asleep. Hopefully writing this out will clear some space in my brain and allow me to get some sleep.

Good night #teamLex and #teamThack

Gofundme.com/rallyruby
Facebook.com/rallyruby
Thacksmack.blogspot.com