This last chemo has hit me a bit harder than the others in the fact that I have had a good amount of bone aches and just overall exhaustion. I could lay on the couch pretty much all day but try my best to get out of the house at least once a day. There has been a few days without that happening and I'm perfectly ok with that. It's hard to know if it is just low white counts again or if I am going towards anemia. Only way to know is with the blood tests and I don't have those again until Tuesday.
Eating has been really hard lately as well. The things that sounded good these last few weeks don't sound good anymore and then there isn't much else that has taken its place. I have been craving shrimp a lot though. A friend mentioned it may be because I might need the iron or something, totally understandable if so. I am trying hard to get a good size nutritional shake in each day so that I have some vital nutrients in me. I still throw up every morning (minus a couple mornings this week) so I will be excited to be over that phase.
Tomorrow I have a neck ultrasound to see if I still have any remnants of a blood clot in there. I truly hope I do not because I'm pretty sick of giving myself blood thinner shots twice a day and I'm pretty sure my stomach is sick of it as well. I will say I've gotten pretty good at them though. So weird to think I am good at that... my life is weird.
Now the big stuff is on Monday. Scans. These scans will show whether or not we will continue on the treatment we are on or if it isn't working. If the tumors are stable or smaller, we stay. If they are bigger or there are new ones, then we go to the next option. The next option I have no idea what that is. Makes me very nervous to think I am coming to the end of not having many options to try, makes it all a little too real. People have asked how I have been feeling about these scans and I really can't say clearly that I think they will be ok. I hope I'm wrong and that things are working and all this really hard stuff I've been doing since October has been worth it. We will find out on Tuesday. If all is well I will get chemo #5. We shall see.
Last week I went with little Ruby to her infusion of Nivolumab (Opdivo) so I could see what her day looks like. Man, they need to redo the outpatient chemo/infusion center over at Primary Children's Medical Center. It was such a rough and crowded room to be in and it just needs windows or something. I don't know. It made me even more grateful for my insanely nice infusion room. She was a champ though and has handled things so well. That little girl just makes me fight harder just cause she is fighter more than she even knows. She knows she's sick, but she's been very lucky to not feel it. I hope this for her always. I want this drug to work for her so badly.
As far as fun stuff that has happened, there hasn't been too much. I try going out to eat mostly but it is hard to find things that sound good to eat - but I still go! That's usually what I end up doing to get out of the house. My energy doesn't allow for too much more than that, but it is plenty for me. I love my social time! I am trying hard to get my random second room in my place all put together, but man I have held onto some random stuff that is for sure. I think I'm making head way though.
I'll also just say this as well - I will miss President Barack Obama. In just a week since our new president so many things are in the air and it's amazing the level of comfort Obama gave me in regards to my illness that I can feel is threatened now and it just makes me sad. It's amazing how one person can change a whole outlook on things. I wont go into detail because, well, it's too much for me, but I am hoping to not have anything hit me too soon as far as the healthcare stuff goes. I already have my hands full, hoping to not make it be more. I'm barely lucky to have insurance right now (that's a post I decided to not write because it is just too much.) Anyway, here's hoping that whatever they propose it will take some time to go into effect.
This wasn't a very uplifting post - sorry about that! I've been pretty mellow these past few weeks so not much to write. Hoping for some good news to write on Tuesday!
oxoxo
Oh, my shirt is relaunched again as well until February 2nd. go to booster.com/notjustskincancer if you want one!
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