Although I strive to make the best out of each situation and not get too down on myself during such hard times, I still have my days. Today was one of those days. I was so tired that waking up was so hard. It took all my might to get out of bed to head to work (didn't help that I had to leave by 7:30am) but I managed to get my tired cancer fighting ass out of bed and head out. I worked a breakfast and was cashiering. The line approached me so that they were greeted with my scar. Almost everyone looked at it but didn't say anything, definitely made me self conscious. I tried to not let it bug me and just kept on keeping on the best I could.
After work I stopped at the outlets to do some quick shopping and it seemed as though almost everyone would walk by me and do a double take on my scar. It was beyond obvious when they would do it. Add to it that everything I tried on was either too big or too small, thanks to my chemo weight loss (which I am grateful for, don't get me wrong!) I am in between sizes so I wasn't able to find anything. I really almost wish people would just ask me about the scar instead of pretending they didn't just get caught staring. I know that wont happen, but it is so much less awkward when people just confront it. And the people who have asked me straight up have been so great and nice!
Also when I got home my back decided to seize up. I bent a lot at the breakfast as well as stood more than I had in months. Just made me sad that my back is still so fragile. Boo!!
I have learned to embrace my scalp scar, but that took time. I am not sure when I will learn to embrace my neck scar, but it definitely isn't today. Today was a rough day, but just like all the days before it I made it through just fine. Just got to keep on trucking through this cancer battle. One day I will wear this scar with honor. One day...
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