Scans today

Today is scan/restaging day.
Whenever you change treatments they like to have new scans so they can have a new place to compare progress to. My scans were originally scheduled for later this month so they got moved to the next available, which happens to be a Saturday afternoon. Had some other plans, but that's the life of a cancer fighter - plans aren't really a thing. You can try but you always know that something may alter the plans or you will wake up sick as a dog. You never know.

I haven't really thought much about these scans - the anxiety isn't really there so much. If I'm being 100% honest I wouldn't be surprised if it has spread somewhere else, but I don't like to think that. I have been so lucky to have it stay localized that I just wonder how long that run will last. I truly hope that thought isn't true but it's always a possibility.

Scans never used to get to me. It was just something I did every 3 months, then 4 months, then 6 months, then a year. Now back to 3 months (or more!) They came back clear for so long that I just got used to it. Now I know there are tumors (just my neck) so I know they aren't clear but they could be worse. Now I either have major anxiety or none at all. So strange.

On a good note, I started my new/old treatment on Wednesday night and now on Saturday I can see a noticeable difference in the tumors sizes. Smaller and so much more comfortable. I haven't taken a pain med (besides ibuprofen) since Thursday, which is huge. I was to the point I was talking them every 4 hours on the dot. So great to have relief. I'm still not fully pain free and sadly will be taking a good amount of pain meds for my scans since I can't lay flat without it freaking out... Having my sister give me a ride today which is new. I usually go these things solo, but taking pain meds I don't want to drive. I'm being smart - asking for help. Strange I know!

In prednisone news, the water weight and moonface kicked in yesterday. Woke up so swollen. I took some pictures out with an old friend and it took all my might to not be devastated looking at the pictures and how heavy I look in comparison to a week ago. The steroids make you ravenous and literally uncontrollable urge to eat everything in site. It is unreal and so hard to curb. My witching hours are 3-6. That's when it hits the hardest and everything in site needs to be tried. I have done my best to have sensible snacks around but man it is hard! I know water weight will go down once I stop the steroids, but the added weight from the ravenous eating won't be so easy. Really trying to control it. I am down to 80mg (started at 120mg) and will continue to taper as long as my liver enzymes continue to lower. At this rate I will still be on them in 5 weeks. Talk about a summer of roid rage! I will learn the tricks to deal with it, just have to work at it all. I do like the energy it gives me, even though it is false energy. I don't like when it is crazy anxious energy though, that's happened two days this week. Not a fan. Also it affects my sleep so now I'm on sleeping aids, necessary evil. I haven't talked to Oprah or slept are/drive or anything which I'm taking as a win. Each day is different.

Random exciting other things:
Going to Yellowstone in August and am really excited
I am looking for a place to call my own. Renting, looking for ideally a 2bedroom place. Keep your eyes open for me - no apartment complexes though.
I'm going on a staycation to Snowbird tomorrow and am making some fun treats for us to have (prednisone driven...) I get excited to cook when it is for other people. Planning on making smore bars and a tasty fruit tart. Yum!

Hope this weekend finds you playing and laughing and escaping the sad news of the world. This life is tough but it has so many little things to be so grateful for. Like making a fruit tart for friends - which really boils down to I am happy I have the energy to make something, that I can make it, that they will enjoy it and that I enjoy them enjoying it. Little things.

Oxoxo